


sandcastle

by moo_lan



Series: kAnoShiN [8]
Category: Kagerou Project, Mekakucity Actors
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, M/M, kanoshinaya will punch us in the gut but it will be mostly me who gets hurt, kidomomo for the soul, mermaid au because i'm a fuckign loser woo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-29
Updated: 2020-11-29
Packaged: 2021-03-10 03:20:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,802
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27777511
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moo_lan/pseuds/moo_lan
Summary: When Ayano had said that she had a human friend, an eighteen-year-old loser hadn’t exactly been what Kano had been expecting.Such a loser, really. Maybe he could prank this idiot a little.Of course, the prank kind of. Goes off-track.
Relationships: Kano Shuuya/Kisaragi Shintaro
Series: kAnoShiN [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1676746
Comments: 4
Kudos: 13





	sandcastle

**Author's Note:**

> for ren, thank you. this fic wouldn't have happened if not for Those little sketches. this spiraled. 10k hhhhhh,, oops. ur awesome.
> 
> whoe ok guess who's like. back from the dead. how long has it even been since my last kanoshin. kano's a clown nothing new there.
> 
> a little au details in case you get confused? my brain is mush i don't know what's confusing so i'll just. no spoilers here don't worry!  
> -kano is a siren which is like. not a mermaid. in my brain sirens are the ones from greek mythology which eat humans and they have like. wings in some artwork. ~~don't worry kano doesn't eat any humans~~  
>  -to match his eye ability, he's basically a shifting siren. most of the time he stays in mermaid form because well. you'll see.  
> -kido is a mermaid in case you're curious. she only makes a vague appearance so it's not really plot-relevant  
> -ayano, shintaro, momo are humans!
> 
> i. i think this is it? if anything is confusing please leave a comment. or just leave a comment anyway. this universe kind of evolved way too far in my brain so there will maybe. probably. be another fic in this series. kanoshin very good am i right

When Ayano had said that she had a human friend, an eighteen-year-old loser hadn’t exactly been what Kano had been expecting.

Yet here he was.

An eighteen-fucking-year-old who had been sitting at the same spot for half an hour. Staring at his phone. Which, of course, was driving Kano crazy; he’d asked for something interesting and instead what had been dropped in his lap was a small lump of homogenous  _ grey. _

Still, the boy was staring at his phone.

It had been thirty minutes already! What was he even looking at!

Swishing his tail restlessly, Kano stared over the reeds sprouting from the muddy shore and towards the boy. Really, he was actually considering throwing water at him, or jumping out of the lake, or doing a backflip like a fucking dolphin, or  _ anything _ , just to make the boy look away from his phone and provide Kano with the entertainment he so sorely desired; but that was when he noticed the stranger’s eyes subtly flitting in his direction. Then quickly away.

Ah.

He could see what was happening here.

Barely managing to keep his grin under control, Kano carefully waded towards the shore. Oh, this was going to be  _ so fun _ .

The boy’s eyes imperceptibly widened when Kano neared him; it seemed that he thought his facial expressions were hard to notice, but not everyone grew up with an emotionally constipated sister. So yeah.  _ Really not that hard to notice, loser,  _ grinned Kano as he pushed himself up on the shore with his elbows, staring up at the boy with wide eyes.

A faint blush had started colouring the human’s pale features and Kano was becoming more and more satisfied with himself. Starting to have difficulties in keeping the grin off his face, the siren shifted slightly, making sure the boy had noticed the nervousness he was displaying.

So good at this. He was so good at this. Seemed like his siren heritage was good for  _ something _ in the end.

“What… What are you?” asked the siren, his voice full of awe, eyes wide and fearful. Still, curiosity seemed to push him to lean forward, make him reach towards the human with a scaled hand.

Internally, Kano was rolling on the floor with laughter. Idiot. Such an idiot, falling for it like that.

For a couple of moments, the (idiot) human just stared. Blinked. Once. Twice. Then, fumbling for his bag and managing to drop everything,  _ everything _ , on the ground with a loud clatter, he pocketed his phone and turned again towards Kano.

But Kano, startled (not really), had hidden himself behind a taller tuft of arrowheads, and was carefully peering around them at the boy. Curiously, but not as bravely as before. The whole thing needed to seem genuine after all.

“Hey,” called the boy, gently so as not to scare him again. Slowly, making no sudden movements, he approached Kano, who shied away but did not try to run.

Staring up at the human, Kano kept his eyes wide and curious, blinking innocently up at him. He said nothing though, only continued staring. Pure, innocent, siren, unknowledgeable regarding humans. Nothing to see here.

“Hello,” awkwardly greeted the human and took another step towards the siren. Kano flinched, and his eyes widened in genuine surprise at the reaction; his control was slipping, how shameful.

“...” Fidgeting with his hands restlessly, Kano just looked away then back at the human. Such a shy siren. 

“I’m Shintaro,” smiled the human, and the expression was awkward and forced on his face, as if he did not make it often. It made Kano wonder.

But not too much.

“Your name?” Shintaro’s crooked smile was slightly trembling now and Kano was taking special pleasure in seeing his discomfort.

“...Kano,” he mumbled, shyly looking away and towards the water. Under the surface, he could see his tail shimmering dimly. His light golden scales seemed muddy brown in the dirty water.

“Nice to meet you, Kano.” This time, the smile seemed more secure in its position on Shintaro’s face and seeing the human so self-assured made Kano want to mess with his equilibrium again.

Which was pretty easy.

“What’s that?” he asked, keeping his voice a quiet whisper. His eyes were staring at the pocket in which Shintaro’s phone was hidden; the human took the device out and stared at it dumbfoundedly, as if he was wondering just that himself.

_ Idiot, _ internally smiled Kano.

“This?” He pointed at the phone like the halfwit he was. Turning it on, he showed the screen to Kano, who tilted his head like a curious cat. “This is a phone?” It came out like a question and the siren barely suppressed a snicker.

“Phone…?” dumbly repeated Kano. OK, maybe he was taking it a bit too far, but it was way too fun to see the idiot human think that there was actually someone out there who like. Did not know what a phone was. What a loser.

“You wanna try?” asked Shintaro. For a moment, he smiled pleasantly at the siren, then his eyes suddenly widened, probably realizing what he’d just said.

_ Ohohoho,  _ internally grinned Kano. On the outside, he broke into a wide and excited smile, all guileless and pure, pushing himself a bit further up the slippery muddy slope and closer to Shintaro.

“Can I?” he asked, grinning at the human and enjoying the obvious conflict in his eyes.

“Sure.” Barely suppressing a wince as his phone was transferred from his dry hands to Kano’s damp ones, Shintaro gingerly handed him his phone.

_ I could throw it in the lake right now, _ briefly considered Kano.  _ Could watch him fumble for words. It would be fun to watch. _

For a moment, he briefly glanced over to Shintaro, who was watching him with an open and gentle expression.

Kano’s hold on his phone tightened.

Innocent persona forgotten, the siren was openly smirking as he opened the gallery and flicked through it carelessly. Most of the pictures were of homework or random pictures of electronics and barcodes, but some of them showed his older sister smiling brightly at the camera or at the person behind it. It was weird, seeing the affectionate expression he knew so well but with something different in it. 

There was something foreign nagging at Kano, but he couldn’t quite place it. Couldn’t quite name the feeling.

Maybe he could just ignore it, like he usually did. Seemed like a good strategy. Dimly, he could distantly notice that his hands were. Well. Empty. With a start he lunged for the falling phone and caught it right before it hit the water’s surface. It was vibrating like crazy and Kano was tempted to just throw it into the water.

A bit shaken, he handed Shintaro the device before he could change his mind and let it fall.

“...Yeah?” he answered, and there was little of his smile left in his voice. A pause then, “Yeah, I’m coming now.”

Hanging up, he pocketed his phone and lifted his eyes to look at Kano, who had at some point forgotten to control his expression; he had no idea what his eyes were showing.

Disgusting.

Not for the first time, Kano felt relieved to retreat back into his role. Shyly shifting his weight and looking away from the human, he made sure to keep his voice quiet and wondrous: “Will you come back?”

There was something in Shintaro’s eyes that Kano could not decipher; it got on his nerves.

The human looked away. “Yeah, I’ll be back tomorrow at the same time,” he said, voice neutral.

Multiple lines of thought were warring inside Kano’s head, and he ignored all of them, only managing a small smile in response before ducking back in the water.

(He came back up moments later to stare at Shintaro’s retreating back. Subtly; unnoticed.)

  
  
  


“Sis,” started Kano and his eyes widened when Ayano visibly started. “...Sis?”

They’d been sitting at the cafe table for a couple of hours already and his sister had said little else beside a distracted greeting. Although her phone had been silent the whole time, she’d still been checking it every five minutes. Every single time, she had the same expression of disappointment.

There was something here that Kano was missing. 

“Sis…?” He tried again.

“Yeah?” Her smile was fake. Really, you would’ve expected her to know better than to try to fool  _ Kano _ , who was at this point so used to faking expressions that he couldn’t be tricked, least of all by Ayano. Who was his  _ sister _ , how wouldn’t he notice?

“What happened?” Concern seeped into his voice, genuine as it usually was with his sister. A thought hit him and his expression abruptly changed. “Did Shintaro do something to you?” he asked and there was a coldness in his voice that Ayano stared at with wide eyes, slightly startled.

“No!!” she exclaimed, waving her hands in emphasis. Kano relaxed, but his eyes maintained their promise of violence towards whoever had hurt his sister. “No, Shuuya, Shintaro didn’t do anything…” Here, her voice turned regretful for a moment, before she squared her shoulders and pulled her smile back on.

“Sis,” was all Kano said, waiting for his sister to explain.

A sheepish smile formed on her face and Kano had a vague idea of what was coming. If he were to be honest, he’d known for a while. His sister wasn’t the most subtle person out there.

“Sis, do you like him?” he asked, and there was a pang in his chest for some unknown reason.

Ayano didn’t answer, but her expression said enough.

Whole body suddenly relaxed, Kano slumped back in his seat, feeling terribly out of his area of expertise. What was he even. Supposed to say. Smile? Congratulate her? What even is this.

Some part of Kano had burst in that surprised weird laugh-cry at some point and the others were kind of. Laughing at this garbage fire. Kano really wanted to go back to the lake and sleep.

“That’s great, Sis!” he grinned and Ayano hesitantly smiled back at him. “You finally have that love story you wanted! Too bad he’s such a loser though…”

Here, Ayano’s fighting spirit was suddenly revived. “Shuuya! Don’t say that!” she chastised and Kano sheepishly smiled.

His chest was painful and Kano wanted to tear the feeling out and squash it.

  
  
  


Shintaro had been waiting for an hour. This Kano knew because he had been hiding for two hours in the bushes in his mermaid form. Observing.

(The siren form was hidden deep beneath, untouchable. Unseen. It hadn’t been seen by anyone else for more than nine years, and he wasn’t about to start now, when it was deeper hidden than ever.

The mask was perfect and Kano had never been one to remove any sort of layer of deceit.)

From his point of view, there were multiple possible ways to proceed. However, his favourites had to be:

  1. Ignoring the jerk who neglected his sister.



  1. Making fun of the jerk who neglected his sister by continuing the charade he’d started, getting all of his secrets and then spilling them all.



  1. Nudging the jerk that his sister loved towards her. Pushing forcefully.



Sighing, Kano let himself slide back down in the water, water silently rippling around him. Really, he had already made his decision. It was just stalling at this point.

“Hey,” awkwardly called Shintaro from the shore. Kano hid a smile. He was beginning to associate that word with Shintaro a lot. Awkward. Human personification of the word.

“Hello,” smiled Kano. There was something strange in Shintaro’s gaze and Kano hastily avoided it. Looking at his shimmering tail, he dropped back into the comfort of his act and feigned shyness. “How are you?”

A pause, and Kano could tell that Shintaro had that same expression in his eyes.

_ Ugh, so annoying, _ he internally grimaced while his chest gave an uncomfortable pang.

Not able to handle the tense silence anymore, Kano marched on. “So…” Smiling guilelessly, he moved his focus on Shintaro, whose eyes were narrowed. (Kano gulped in apprehension.) “I was wondering — what do humans even  _ eat _ ?”

“Huh?” This seemed to startle Shintaro out of his daze, because he was no longer glaring at Kano. Instead, his eyes widened in surprise. “Do you mean to tell me you’ve never had human food?”

Biting his lip viciously in an attempt to restrain a snicker, Kano shook his head.  _ What an idiot, _ he internally laughed.

“No, we mostly eat smaller fish or insects?” Letting the sentence turn into a question towards the end, Kano watched Shintaro’s eyes grow wide as saucers.

Yeah, he was definitely messing with him at this point.

“I’m going to show you the greatest thing ever,” declared Shintaro as he unlocked his phone. Silence settled between the two of them for a few moments, until the human was sighing and pocketing his phone once more. “There’s no delivery here,” he grumbled as he took a seat next to Kano.

(The siren imperceptibly gave a small shudder and shifted away.)

“Delivery…?” asked Kano, making sure his gaze was naive and unknowing. Shintaro’s eyes narrowed once more but the siren paid it no mind.

Silence settled once more.

“I have an idea,” all of a sudden announced Shintaro.

“Hm?” Kano glanced at the human, who was typing something at a breakneck speed.

“You’ll see.” Shintaro gave a rare grin and Kano maybe. Kind of. Shivered at it. 

The phone rang once, twice, thrice, then from the other side of the line sounded an annoyed “What?”

Shintaro visibly grimaced and Kano wondered, wondered.

“What is it, Bro?” the voice managed to sound both more annoyed and gentle at the same time.

“...I need a golf cart,” winced Shintaro.

“...”

“...”

“A  _ what _ ?” Her voice had gotten loud and incredulous — her brother winced. Kano already liked her if she managed to make Shintaro so uncomfortable with only a few words.

“Golf cart.” He was whispering now and Kano’s internal laughter screeched to a halt as he realized what the golf cart was for. Oh boy.

Multiple possible scenarios flashed through his mind, and Kano, in his dazed state, dimly compared it to his life flashing before his eyes.

This could only end in a disaster.

  
  
  


This really wasn’t how Kano had expected to meet Shintaro’s family. Not that he’d expected to meet that loser’s family.

From where he was hidden, the siren could only see Shintaro’s horrid hoodie and the golf cart; slightly hunched, the human was shifting his weight as his sister berated him. Even from this distance, Kano could catch a couple of words, including but not limited to:

  1. “Useless NEET”
  2. “Always do weird stuff”
  3. “Gonna get me fired one day”
  4. “Why do I have a loser brother like you”
  5. “Yeah I love you you loser shut up”
  6. “If you miss dinner I’m gonna use your own noodle arms to beat you up”



Shintaro was forcefully pulled into an embrace, then he awkwardly waved at his sister as she got back in the car, not forgetting to throw one last series of premonitions of what would happen to him if he missed family dinner. 

Car having sped off, Kano let himself flop down from the bushes, not bothering to be delicate about it — a loud splash sounded, almost managing to cover up Shintaro’s surprised laugh.

Before he could remember to keep up whichever act he was supposed to be respecting, Kano found himself smiling. There was a pang in his chest, but he ignored it.

It seemed he’d been doing a lot of that lately.

Slowly wading towards the shore, Kano glanced at Shintaro. The human was staring at the golf cart like some kind of impossible math question, but, as if feeling Kano looking at him, he turned to stare at the siren - who suddenly froze, before forcing himself to put the mask back on and smile brightly at him.

On Shintaro’s face, both a glare and a blush warred. It was a weird expression.

Wait.

_ Wait. _

Slightly alarmed, Kano glanced between the shore and the golf cart. Then his tail. Since he was messing with Shintaro, that meant that the human didn’t know he could shapeshift; was the golf cart for — For Kano? To travel in?!!

_ How was he going to get inside though? _

A tail! He had a  _ tail _ ! How was he going to climb in the cart?!

Apparently not concerned about this  _ minor _ detail, Shintaro carefully brought the golf cart closer to the shore, then stepped out of it and looked at Kano, who was staring at him from the water.

It took him a moment and a few times of moving his gaze between Kano, who was blankly staring at him from the water, and the golf cart, but Shintaro finally got it too.

Desperate, he threw Kano a look which could only mean  _ I swear I’m not usually this idiotic. _

Kano seriously doubted it. And his unimpressed stare told the human that much.

“...”

Blushing furiously, Shintaro decidedly did not broach that particular topic. Instead, he stepped closer to the lake and attempted a sheepish smile.

“I guess I’m gonna have to pull you in…?” He was so awkward it was almost cute. But Kano was way too annoyed at him for it to count.

A glare was all the response the human got.

“Ok…” mumbled Kano, sighing as he drew closer to the shore. 

Stoically maintaining his blank expression even as Shintaro crouched behind him and grabbed him from under the arms, Kano desperately tried to ignore the way the human’s whole body was trembling with effort.

_ Noodle arms, _ came the thought, unbidden, and Kano snickered. A yelp escaped him as, startled, Shintaro’s hold on him slipped and the siren ungraciously fell into the water.

But he wasn’t one to go down alone — at the last moment he grabbed hold of Shintaro’s sleeve, dragging him down with him; and grinning gleefully at the human when he resurfaced coughing and spitting out water.

“Why- why did you do that?” Shintaro coughed out the words, staring incredulously at Kano.

“Do what?” the siren grinned, smile widening when Shintaro looked away, ears red.

_ Cute, _ thought Kano, and, startled, he mentally added,  _ loser. Such a loser. _

Trying to ignore whatever intrusive thought had started forming in the back of his head, the siren turned to look at Shintaro stumble his way on the shore, feet slipping on the mud. Laughing, Kano pushed him up on the slope, enjoying the human’s startled look when he stumbled forward onto safe ground.

An accusing glare was thrown his way, but Kano remained undeterred, continuing to grin. Up until he noticed that yes, the golf cart was still there. And yes, he still had to climb in there in his mermaid form.

Of course, he technically  _ could _ either tell Shintaro he could shapeshift or decide not to attempt to  _ climb into the back of a golf cart with a fish tail. _

But Kano being Kano, he did neither. Instead, he pushed his top half out of the water and flopped himself onto the ground, then, grabbing hold of the edge of the huge cooler box (?) that Shintaro had somehow managed to acquire, pulled himself up into the back of the golf cart.

He slammed against the bottom of the cooler box with a painful  _ thump _ and winced. But his discomfort was suddenly forgotten when he met Shintaro’s eyes, who was as close to gaping as Shintaro could get.

“If you could… Why…?” It came out tired and a bit whiny towards the end.

Kano just grinned. 

Sighing, Shintaro shook his head.

  
  
  


Cold air whistled past Kano as he huddled in the back of the golf cart, shivering idly. Sadly, there was no way to glamour his shivers, so the siren was just stuck in his cooler box, rubbing his arms and trying to ignore the cold.

In the front seat, Shintaro was focused on navigating the side streets, muttering annoyedly every time the golf cart hit a bump and shook, making Kano’s cooler box tilt dangerously. The siren grumbled as his back was pressed against the freezing inside of the box, and his whole body gave a violent shudder.

Kano sneezed and Shintaro started so badly that he suddenly hit the breaks, the golf cart screeching to a halt.

Confused, the siren watched Shintaro wordlessly take the hoodie from the front passenger seat and step out of the cart, then walk up to Kano.

Decidedly looking away, he held out the hoodie. “Here you go.”

For a moment, Kano just stared at him.

“You want it or not?” Shintaro’s arm was slightly trembling and Kano smirked.

“Sure,” he replied, taking the (horrid) hoodie from the human’s hands. “Thank you,” he smiled, just to mess with him even more.

“No problem,” grumbled Shintaro, face red as he turned away and walked back to the front seat.

Settling more comfortably in his (cooler box) seat, Kano put on the hoodie, shifting his weight until he was sheltered from the wind. Suddenly, he froze when a stray gust of wind brought with it a strange scent. 

_ Oh. _

He knew what this was, and he was proved right when he lifted his arm to his nose and sniffed his sleeve. Shintaro’s hoodie — it smelled human.

“...Are you sniffing my —?” Shintaro was half-turned, staring at him.

Blushing furiously, Kano lowered his arm. “It just stinks!” he yelled.

The two of them just stared at each other, until Shintaro wordlessly turned back towards the front.

“I wasn’t sniffing it!” yelled Kano again, his face red.

Shintaro said nothing.

  
  
  


It seemed that getting out of the cooler box was much easier than getting  _ in _ it. Kano just let it tilt, sliding out of it and into the water, hitting it with a loud  _ splash _ .

What was with Kano and his lack of grace lately?

He approached the shore, settling onto a lowered part of the bank and turning to face Shintaro as the human walked towards him with the paper bags in hand. Sitting down by his side, Shintaro opened up the bags and handed Kano one of the burgers.

Silence settled between the two of them, except the sound of chewing and Kano’s spontaneous bursts of laughter when he once more recalled the expression of the Burger King employee who’d had the unpleasant experience of having a kid in a golf cart carrying another kid in the  _ back _ of the golf cart order two burgers with a straight face. Both drenched. One of them having a (probably) fake fish tail.

Smiling idly, Kano shifted his weight until a larger part of his tail was on the shore and he was no longer in danger of slipping in the water and ruining his burger. Which also meant that he was now at a distance smaller than a meter and a half from Shintaro, but hey that wasn’t  _ that _ close, right?

It was then that it hit him.

Like a punch in the stomach.

What was he doing?  _ What was he fucking doing, acting all honest with the guy his sister had a crush on?  _

What the hell.

Trembling, Kano let the burger fall in the water.

Shintaro stopped eating and turned to look at him.

“Kano… you OK?” he asked, concerned and with no hint of moroseness or coldness in his eyes. It made Kano feel sick to the stomach.

“I — I have to go,” the siren breathed, offering no explanation before he was jumping in the water and rapidly swimming away.

Shintaro was left behind, alone on the shore, to stare after him.

  
  
  


It had been a week. And Kano had not talked to Shintaro. Watched, yes. Cursed, yes. Almost followed, yes.

Yet Shintaro still came to the lake every day.

And every day Kano watched him sit down, wait for hours, then leave, always wearing the same distant expression, as if he was somewhere above all of this and watching it all from afar. Not involved, none of his business. Uncaring.

But Kano knew better than to believe him — not that he cared about the human, mind you. It was all in good fun, but he couldn’t afford to mess with the loser his sister (was in love with) had a crush on.

But this idiot,  _ this fucking idiot _ , came here every morning and waited for hours on end — for what? For a siren that he’d met two days ago? Instead of spending time with his sister?

_ Asshole, what an asshole, _ internally hissed Kano, grinding his teeth.  _ I hate —  _

Startled, a fish darted by him when Kano agitatedly slammed his tail against the wall of the underwater cave. All was dark around him, perfect for resting in siren form without worrying he’d see himself or, shudder,  _ be seen _ .

Annoyance prickled at his temples, and Kano really wanted to commit dreadful acts of violence.

Sighing, Kano pushed and prodded at the edges of his siren form, until he was back in his shimmery mermaid state and ready for potential exposure. Not that he planned to be seen, mind you. A push off the edge, then Kano was swimming towards the surface. He silently broke the surface right behind a stalk of reeds.

Shintaro was already on the shore, flicking idly through his phone while also throwing glances towards the lake.

Annoyance bubbled up Kano’s throat and this time he didn’t have it in him to push it down.

Before he could stop himself, he was shifting, stretching, shaping out and  _ stepping _ out of the water on his newfound legs, suddenly long brown hair partly in his eyes as he climbed up on the shore. Brushed off the dust on his newborn dress.

Shintaro was still looking at the lake. Hadn’t noticed Ayano (Kano) yet, and well  _ wasn’t that just ironic _ .

_ Fucking asshole. _

The back of Kano’s eyes were painful as he swept towards the human. He didn’t really get why it hurt like that, but it was far from the front of his mind as he neared Shintaro and just  _ grabbed  _ him by the collar and lifted him off the bench.

“A- Ayano?” Shintaro was staring in his eyes confused, then his stare suddenly narrowed.  _ So perceptive,  _ bitterly laughed Kano.

“ _ Asshole,” _ hissed the siren and he shoved Shintaro. “Never notice anything, do you?” He was close to screaming now and the human still hadn’t said anything. Just stood and watched Kano grab fistfuls of his hair, sick with anger. 

Still, Shintaro remained silent. Just watched him with wide eyes and  _ oh, how Kano  _ **_despised_ ** _ him. _

“Say something!” His voice was hoarse and nothing like Ayano’s.

_ Disgusting, disgusting, disgusting. _

There was something in Kano’s throat. He wanted to scream. Beat up someone. Throw up.

(He felt like crying.)

“You never fucking see anything, do you.” Truly, he’d been planning to scream. Instead, it came out frozen and uncaring.

Still, Shintaro said  _ fucking nothing. _ Just stared like an idiot.

“Huh.” It sounded bitter and tasted bitter and Kano couldn’t  _ take this anymore _ .

Should he do this? Probably not. Did he care? Not really. So, taking a deep breath, he just let himself fall into the water. Returned to his mermaid shape and swam away; left his problems behind.

Left them alone on the shore, staring as he left once more.

  
  
  


There was no-one on the shore. Hadn’t been since that day. Which Kano knew because, contrary to his initial decision, he’d come back every single day. Lounged in the reeds, in his mermaid form, golden scales shimmering in the sunlight.

Dull pain was embracing his stomach, but Kano paid it no mind. His siren form could go rot for all he cared. It had been weeks since he’d last turned, judging by the churning in his stomach.

(Not that Kano had counted the days, smothering his disappointment every time the human failed to appear. Every time he went back underwater telling himself it was the last time. Every time he came back the next morning.)

Kano shifted on his belly, idly playing with a tuft of grass while keeping an eye on the shore. Really, what point has he even reached. To wait for a guy to show up. Hidden in the fucking reeds.

Sudden movement startled Kano out of his daze.

There was someone on the shore.

However, Kano’s initial excitement — not that he would be excited to see that asshole — was considerably put a damper on when he noticed that it was not Shintaro that had appeared, but someone else.

Someone who seemed dimly familiar in the way she carried herself, in the way her bright hair sparkled in the sunlight.

_ Oh. _ He knew who that was. Shintaro’s little sister.

Hesitation creeped its way over him and Kano pressed himself against the ground, not bothering to shift into something less conspicuous. He’d chosen this spot exactly because of its subtlety.

Which was why she saw nothing. Waited for more than an hour, but did not see the siren hiding in the greenery. And so she left, leaving Kano still hiding.

Leaving Kano even more confused.

Shutting his eyes, the siren let himself slide into the water. His pain, forgotten when the girl had first shown up, had flared up again, burning its way through multiple layers of deceit. And as rapidly as Kano could wrap them up again, still they dissolved. Leaving him cold and alone in the middle of a lake.

_ What the fuck am I doing. _

  
  
  


“What are you  _ doing _ , Shuuya?” Voice tired, Ayano watched him with questioning eyes as she sipped from her milkshake.

Kano’s smile froze on his face.

“Huh?”

“Shuu-ya.” The syllables were dragged out, which could only mean one thing. Kano was a fucking clown and he was missing something. Something that was probably staring him right in the face, eyes wide and just. Wondering what he was doing. Which Kano really wanted the answer to, since he’d started going with the flow some time ago and now he was just in the middle of the ocean, wondering how the hell he’d gotten there.

She seemed a bit annoyed with him and, although Kano did not know what she was annoyed about, he did agree with her. Yes, he was an absolute idiot and no, he probably won’t stop being one any time soon.

“What is it, Sis?”

There was bitterness inside him, poking and prodding, curled around one silent thought. One hidden, vague, nebulous thought, regarding his sister’s fake smiles and tendency to sacrifice her happiness for others. Regarding his own deceit, always gone unnoticed.

“Why aren’t you talking to Shintaro anymore?” she asked and it was as if someone had swept the rug from under Kano’s feet. He was on the ground and staring up at the sky, at some spot above him which didn’t require him to acknowledge the fact that his sister had just asked him why he wasn’t friends with her asshole crush anymore.

“ _ Huh?” _ he was still trying to keep his smile on, although he was pretty sure it was closer to a grimace at this point.

Ayano offered him a small lenient smile before proceeding to call him out on his bullshit.

“I know you befriended him, Shuuya.”

There was laughter in Kano’s ears, as if part of him had ascended and was now just watching,  _ being entertained,  _ by the trainwreck that this conversation was slowly (d)evolving into. At least  _ someone _ was amused by this whole situation.

“I-”

“Shuuya.” This time she was firm and her smile had turned a bit sad. “I guess I should tell you something since you’re his friend too.”

_ Hahahaha, this isn’t fucking happening. _

Averting her eyes, she tucked a stray strand of hair behind her ear. “I confessed to him.”

Kano did not know how to react to that for a moment. Then his habits kicked in in full force and he was smiling, wide and proud. “That’s great, Sis! How did it go?”

His smile hurt and he didn’t really understand why.

For a moment, Ayano just stared at him. Then her sad smile was back in place and Kano had a bad feeling about what was about to come. “He rejected me.”

What was this. What was this feeling in Kano’s chest.

“Apparently he’s gay.” Rueful was the right word to describe her smile, decided Kano before what she’d said truly hit him. Straight over the face. With a chair.

“Huh,” was his first thought, which came too fast for him to stop.

The second, however, he managed to stop in time.  _ I can’t say I’m surprised though. _

Which didn’t make sense, because how  _ would  _ Kano have known anyway? He’d spent what — four days with the guy?

“You’re his friend so I thought you should know,” Ayano was now smiling that smile of hers, eyes closed, emotions gently tucked away for later (never, knew Kano). Which never did fool him.

And that was why he didn’t let her leave the cafe by herself, instead following her out on the street and grabbing her wrist. Human contact burned,  _ burned _ at his gut, scalding it with nausea, but Kano ignored it; what he was more focused on was the expression on his sister’s face.

Which he didn’t really know how to interpret.

“Sis,” murmured Kano, letting the concern enter his voice, drown it. “You OK?”

“I-” Ayano turned to face him, but quickly lowered her eyes. “Shuuya, please talk to him. I can’t right now, I-” She closed her eyes, breathed. “Please stay by his side. There are some things you don’t know yet; he isn’t in that good of a headspace right now.”

“I-”

“Shuuya, please do this.”

Why did she make what obviously was a sacrifice for her seem like a favour? How could she do that?

Kano was so disgusting, disgusting, disgusting.

He couldn’t do anything to help her after all.

Hesitantly, Kano searched her features but found no clue there. “OK, Sis. I’ll talk to him,” he carefully told her, waiting for an expression change that told him that he’d made the right choice.

Ayano smiled, but it was a brittle and obviously fake. Still, Kano did not know if he’d made the right choice. Maybe there wasn’t one.

( _ What does it matter though?  _ part of him asked.  _ Why does it matter when you’re so obviously broken, with edges so jagged that you’ll just hurt anything around you? Look at her, Kano. Look at her. This is your fault. All of this is your fault. Doesn’t matter if you make the right choice, since you’ll go ahead and ruin everything anyway. _

_ You should just-) _

“Thank you, Shuuya,” she smiled and Kano was more filled with doubts than ever.

  
  
  


And that was how Kano ended up in front of Shintaro’s door. Anxiety writhed inside him, but he pushed and kicked at the feeling, until it was nothing more than a small dark bundle hidden inside him. Somewhere below his stomach, pushed in like a rusty nail.

_ Knock knock. _

It made no sense, but Kano’s smile was trembling.

What was he doing, why was he here — he shouldn’t have come, Ayano shouldn’t have made him do this. Maybe he still had time to go? He didn’t need to do this, he didn’t need to-

The door opened and Kano’s smile was starting to hurt.

“Hey,” he smiled at the human. Shintaro was staring at him with a cold expression, and it was freezing, it was hiemal, Kano’s blood was  _ frozen _ in his veins, he couldn’t do this-

“So this is where you live, huh?” Grinning widely, Kano pushed past him and into the apartment. There was pain, pure  _ pain _ , blooming under his ribs, behind his stomach, hugging his innards in a scalding clutch. 

The siren form was starting to push at his defenses, testing them and trying to move by them. Wincing, Kano strengthened his hold on his form.

“Why are you here.” Tired, tired, and it was then that Kano noticed how much darker the shadows under his eyes were.

“Hm?” Kano’s hold on his form was starting to falter. It hurt, hurt,  _ hurt _

to even  _ breathe, _ there was pain  _ everywhere _ and Kano would surely start crying soon of it didn’t end-

“Why wouldn’t I be here?” he laughed, then quickly went on as he realized he did not want to hear that response. Because a response was more than warranted at this point. “Ayano sent me to check up on you.”

At Shintaro’s sudden change in expression, a bubble burst inside Kano. The bubble that just so happened to be the defenses he had built oh-so-strongly around his true nature. Which leaked and slinked and slithered around the shards left behind, not bothering to be subtle as it lunged for his stomach.

Pain flared up and Kano stifled a gasp.

_ Not now not now not now _

Trying to push it back but failing miserably, Kano just smiled painfully and turned around to find something else to focus on.

“...no.”

Heavy breaths rattled in his chest, but Kano managed to keep them silent.

_ Disgusting, so disgusting. Can’t even keep it together, can you? _

“...ano.”

_ You’re so useless _ , the voice laughed, and it sounded so much like Shuuya that it might as well have just been him talking to himself again. There was Kano and there was Shuuya, and both were the same but just so  _ different,  _ because Shuuya never did smile like that, never was that good. His layers were unraveling and pooling at his feet, reflection staring up at him with his face, but it wasn’t  _ Shuuya’s _ face, it was  _ Kano _ , the better of him, the one who’d murdered so many versions of Shuuya, so much of him, left so little — 

It  _ hurt. _

_ Disgusting. _

_ I know. _

“...Kano.”

_ You should just disappear. _

_ You’re right. _

_ You should just go and- _

Suddenly a hand was grabbing at his shoulder and turning him around. Kano visibly shuddered away from the contact and Shintaro quickly let go.

The pain was still there, circling like some kind of bird of prey. That would probably swoop down at some point to pick at the last of Shuuya, while Kano just watched and smiled.

He forced himself to feel relief at that.

“You OK?” Shintaro asked, and there was concern in his voice, and no, no, Kano was definitely  _ not OK _ , wasn’t it fucking obvious at this point, and all that Kano wanted to do was tell the truth. Which was so sudden and foreign that he just startled away from it, falling back into the comforting pit of lies.

“Ye- Yeah, of course I’m fine!” laughed Kano, which probably seemed a bit fake since he was currently hunched over in pain, trying to breathe, breathe through it.

“You can tell me,” said Shintaro and oh how Kano would’ve laughed at him if he wasn’t so busy trying not to cry because of the pain.

“Hh.. I’m fine..”

“You…” For a moment, Shintaro just stared at him with concern in his eyes. Then, annoyed, he turned around; grabbed his jersey from the hanger and, pulling Kano after him, exited the apartment.

It took Kano a couple of moments of confusion to realize that Shintaro was holding his hand. Which he kind of wanted to stop, but at the same time it distracted him from the pain, so yeah. That was. Fine?

“Where’re we goin’?” breathed Kano, desperate to keep his glamour going even as the pain just. Kept growing. Coiling inside, pooling like some kind of weird lava that  _ did not stop burning _ . Ever.

A slightly hysterical part of Kano laughed a bit at that, wondering how tiring it must be to burn all the time.   
  


“Lake,” answered Shintaro, pulling at Kano to go faster. The siren stumbled along, mind fuzzy and numb except for the buzzing that had at some point taken over his eardrums, scratching and pounding and hissing.

A voice vaguely filtered in through the white noise, a mumbling that sounded weirdly concerning. At his feet, Kano dimly registered the shine of water then sudden cold.

“Can I push him in? Should I push him in? He’s a mermaid, he can’t drown. Maybe. Probably. For sure?”

The same part of Kano that had started laughing at some point and just. Kind of. Did not stop. Heard Shintaro say this, saw him look in between his shuddering self and the lake. Saw him hesitate, laughed even harder.

Sudden cold, wet, dark and at the same time? Light? It shot through the pain, clearing the haze for a brief moment before it all crashed back down, crashed back in again, and the pain was back next to him again, holding his hand and smiling sweetly while he heaved sharp sobs.

He wanted to vomit all of his insides out, pain and all, then push them back in. Preferably pain-free. But Shuuya guessed he deserved this. Maybe. Probably. For sure. Kano smiled, nodded, agreed with him and Shuuya just wanted to be sick. Or just maybe fade away. Go to sleep.

He was so tired.

Letting his body go limp, go heavy, the siren let himself sink down to the bottom. At some point the siren form had pushed past all the defenses, past all the barriers, and now the pain was gone but a sick part of Kano missed it. Because it meant that he was still Kano, not small, feeble, disgusting,  _ disgusting, _ little Shuuya. Little siren boy, murderer. Monster. The latter was whispered in his ear, and the voice sounded like his mother’s.

Tired, tired, he was way too tired for this.

Shuuya just wanted rest, just wanted everything to go away, while Kano wanted to take over once more. Which worked for both of them, and that was how the golden scales of his mermaid form started shimmering in the darkness once more, brighter than the sun, now that the siren form was once more satisfied and coiled in the back of his mind, asleep.

When Kano broke the surface, he found Shintaro on the shore, hands in his pockets, trying to seem aloof with a desperation and determination which kind of defeated the purpose. Since Kano could see how his hands moved inside his pockets, a weird kind of nervous wringing, jeans pocket version.

“You alright?” the human asked when Kano neared the shore. With a start, Kano was abruptly reminded of the fact that he’d just had a kind of-panic attack in front of him. Well, not kind-of. A full-on nervous breakdown. So shameful, it was almost funny.

“Hm?” A careless smile. Shintaro coldly stared at him, stared through the glamour right into Shuuya’s terrified face, hidden deep beneath. The siren just brightened the grin; set it on fire; lit up the dark thoughts. Still, Shintaro kept his stare frigid and unimpressed. “Yeah, I’m great!”

“You-” the words caught in the human’s throat. He looked away, swallowed. Turned to face him again and spit them out. “Your body was fucking flickering, you know that?”

“My- what? Was what?” Eloquently repeated the siren, his tail swishing restlessly. 

“When you were-” a vague gesture, face scrunched up and confused (uncomfortable) “-you know.”

“When I was what?” sweetly smiled Kano. He’d noticed sometime ago that he could use passive aggressiveness to cover up trying to avoid a subject. It also helped that he really was feeling quite passive aggressive. Wonder why.

For a moment Shintaro looked like he was going to fall for it. But then his eyes narrowed and he stared at Kano.

_ You fucking insecure NEET, what the fuck are you doing with so little self-consciousness? _

The siren blinked, shifting his smile into a baring of teeth. A dare. A threat.

“Your form was like, uh, glitching?” Ah. He’d dropped it. How smart of him. 

“Huh.” It wasn’t a question. Merely a somewhat loud exhale, just Kano telling him that he wasn’t going to talk about it.

Hesitating, Shintaro seemed to be debating whether to push or not. In the end, he closed his mouth, scrunched it up and looked away.

Kano had the bad feeling that Shintaro wouldn’t be letting him off like that much longer. But he smiled at the human, wide and bright, and Shintaro did some kind of weird huff/grimace before tentatively smiling back and sitting down on the edge of the lake.

  
  
  


Warm, so warm. It was so much warmer than usual and Kano couldn’t necessarily say that he was enjoying it. He’d found a cooler spot under the willow, and was lounging there, too lazy to even change into his human form. Sure, he  _ could  _ go bother Shintaro and maybe even bully him into turning his AC down to 18 degrees, but. Ah, too much effort.

(Plus he didn’t really feel like being glared at every time his smile was strained. So what if he was a fake? Just deal with it.)

“Hey there,” suddenly sounded a voice from next to him and Kano almost jumped like two feet in the air. “Whoa, what are you, a cat? Thought you were a fish,” laughed the girl.

“I.” Kano turned to face Shintaro’s sister, for a moment too out of his element to react. “I, uh.”

The girl let out a sound that seemed the verbal equivalent of keysmashing. Which Kano knew about thanks to his older sister, who had apparently gone through a severe phase of weird forms of communication, such as messages composed entirely of emojis.

Thinking about his sister made something hurt in Kano’s chest and his self-loathing was suddenly soaring like a fucking eagle. Or maybe a seagull was more suitable, since it ate fish and all.

“I’m Momo,” she smiled, stretching out a hand. Kano, still slightly dazed, shook it. “The idiot NEET’s sister and Tsubomi-chan’s friend.”

For a truly tragic moment, Kano asked himself who Tsubomi was.

Then he realized that yes, Kido did have another name, and yes, Tsubomi was his freaking sister and he was an absolute clown. As usual.

But wait. Kido’s… friend?

Now that he was thinking about it, Kano could dimly recall Kido mentioning a girl. She’d been blushing and Kano had made fun of her, which had resulted in him getting beaten up and forgetting all about Kido’s new friend.

This was interesting. 

“Ah, so  _ you’re _ Kido’s friend!” Special accent on the ‘you’, wait for Momo to blush. Except she didn’t, instead just leaning forward, closer to the siren and making him shift back, away from her.

“What did she say.” Well, that was quite — threatening? She was so intense? 

Kano’s smile was becoming strained. This was… Why had he said that? Now he was going to have to invent things and oh how Kido’ll fuck him up when she-

There was a voice distantly sobbing in the back of Kano’s mind, wondering out loud why he kept getting himself into these situations. 

Really, it was so,  _ so _ tempting to just. Jump into the water and swim away from this. Because why the fuck. Would he need to be some kind of. Fish matchmaker? Was that a thing? But since the little cartoony angel that was still barely managing to remain on his shoulder had, at some point, started looking suspiciously similar to Ayano — well. Maybe he felt a bit guilty to just ignore it  _ all the time _ .

“Oh, only good things,” he grinned, trying to make that seem like an actual piece of information and not just him grasping for straws.

“Really?” she was smiling so happily that Kano had a weird kind of like. Surge of affection? Of happiness? that his sister had found someone who was this happy at something this small.

For a moment they were both silent, Momo doing a weird fidgety thing that was close to dancing but at the same time looked like she needed to use the bathroom. Kano staring at her, wondering — Well. Just wondering in general.

“Ah!” suddenly exclaimed Momo, startling from her weird fidgety dance. “I almost forgot!” She leaned forward, shifting her weight into an unsteady-looking crouch, peering into Kano’s face with an air of deep scrutiny. Her grin was blinding when she cheerily declared “If you hurt my brother in any way I’ll fry you and feed you to the birds, ok?”

The same part of Kano that was crying was now also laughing and he. Kind of agreed with it. This was so absurd — he was torn between crying and laughing, because  _ since when was he Shintaro’s fucking boyfriend? _

“I’m not —” he started, but Momo just stood up and brushed the dust off her frilly skirt, completely ignoring him. Kano kind of wanted to grab her elbow and try to make clear that he was not, in fact, dating her brother, but really. What did it matter anyway. Maybe he could get some entertainment out of this.

Or maybe he was just going to get pulled into the chaos even more, but ah. That also counted as entertainment so it was fine.

“Momo-chan!” sounded an angry voice from the street and Momo visibly winced before turning around and smiling brightly. “We’ve been looking for you for hours, you’ll be late for the photoshoot!”

Doing an awkward combination of a half-nod and a head inclination at him, Momo ran towards the man, yelling something about “coming to see the fishes here, they’re supposed to be really pretty”.

Kano felt weirdly flattered hearing that. Or maybe it was just the unbearable heat getting to him. Sighing, he leaned back down in the reeds and turned on his side, nodding off before his head even hit the soft ground.

It was the sound of forced silence that woke him up. That weird, stifled and smothered kind of silence that only comes when there’s a foreign presence around, and it’s hiding itself.

Or trying to. Kano could dimly hear poorly-smothered sniffles.

Who would — Oh. Staring over the reeds, it was quite visible who it was that was well. Pretending not to be crying. But as always, Shintaro wasn’t that good at pretending.

There was a weird kind of tension in Kano’s stomach, a pang of  _ something _ , even under the voice telling him to just push it away. Pretend he hadn’t seen. Run away and just ignore it. This wasn’t what he was good at. Kano was good at hurting people, pushing them away, not. Comforting them? What was he even supposed to do, pat his back?

_ Just leave. _

Still, the pang in his stomach  _ twisted _ , pinching at him with no reprieve.

Kano just let himself silently slink into the water, not even the reeds moving in his wake.

Then he resurfaced at Shintaro’s feet, uncomfortably looking at the grass beside him, glancing his way, then away again, caught in a limbo of Kano just being a major clown.

He could feel Shintaro staring at him, waiting for him to say something. Kano looked away, at the water, then mentally slapped himself before pushing himself up on the shore by Shintaro’s side.

The human’s arms were tight by his side, tucked into his frame. Fingers violently digging into the ground, pulling at the grass. His breathing was shallow and erratic. Kano thought it must be painful.

Both of them sat in silence for a few moments, only them and their breaths. Shintaro was still shivering and Kano was hit by how he actually wanted to like. Protect this human. Was that weird? Probably. Yeah, it was weird.

“Can I hold your hand?” blurted Kano in a small voice and yeah, it was definitely weird. But Shintaro, after hesitating for a moment, gave a small nod, and maybe. Maybe it wasn’t that weird.

It took a couple of gentle tugs for Shintaro’s fingers to leave the soft dirt, mud and grass stains on his skin as Kano awkwardly pulled at his hand. This was so strange, so strange, maybe he should’ve remained in the lake after all.

But Shintaro’s grip tightened as his frame shook, and the thought was kicked out, discarded. The siren squeezed his hand comfortingly, his grip light, uninvasive.

He didn’t know how to help. A scary thought.

(Caring was scary, maybe he should stop, maybe he should leave. But he stayed.)

Minutes passed, Shintaro’s shaking slowly subsiding, his frame growing less tense. All the while, instead of letting go, their hands had slid together completely, fingers interlocked.

It was strange, but it didn’t feel strange to Kano.

Was he supposed to say something? Should he be waiting for Shintaro to say something first? How did his work?

Then he abruptly realized that this was Shintaro he was dealing with, so he was just as clueless as him. Just as much of an idiot (maybe even more), so he was probably also like. Waiting for the other to make the first move.

“Did something happen?” the siren asked him, trying to look away from the vulnerability but failing. Instead staring at his expression, carefully avoiding the eyes. Even Kano wasn’t that reckless.

(Oh, who was he even kidding. He was an utter coward.)

Shintaro’s expression shuttered, emotion leaking out brusquely and violently. Like some switch had been flipped.

But his hand still tightly gripped Kano’s.

Good enough. “You don’t need to hide it,” the siren told him and Shintaro just stared at him, his eyes clearly spelling out ‘hypocrite’.

“This isn’t about me, you know,” grinned Kano, making sure that it was clear that this was not in fact a grin, but a baring of teeth. His pointed canines glinting. 

Shifting his weight, the human remained silent. Clearly, he wasn’t going to say anything.

_ Who are you to pry, who are you to pester him like this, you’re annoying, disgusting, you’ll get left behind like always — you’re a mistake, a nuisance, siren boy, murderer. Monster, killer of- _

But Kano was still Kano, and Kano was a stubborn creature. Like a mule? Or just like himself.

“Did someone say something to you?” the question was lightly asked, but Shintaro glanced at him as if he recognized the underlying promise of violence in his voice. Didn’t flinch from it.

It made something warm unfurl in Kano’s chest, but he wasn’t paying attention to it so he did not stomp it out. It stayed there, curled around the jagged edges inside him like a climbing vine.

“No, it’s just.” Shintaro seemed embarrassed. A part of Kano was amused by it, enjoying it, the other was wondering why he’d be embarrassed, since he’d seen so much worse. From Kano himself. The human sighed, rubbed his face with one hand. The other was still holding Kano’s. It seemed natural by now, or maybe it had always been. Or maybe Kano was just confused. “It just happens sometimes.”

“...Panic attacks?” No, they did not have a word for it in the ocean. This was also something he’d learnt from Ayano.

For a moment, Shintaro seemed startled. Why, Kano did not know. He was really out of his depth and he wasn’t quite enjoying the feeling.

“Yeah, I guess so.”

Silence fell once more, but Kano didn’t push this time. Just squeezed Shintaro’s hand. Yes, he was here. No, he wasn’t leaving.

Shintaro squeezed back. A silent “I’m here too.”

A promise.

  
  
  


It was one of those days. Except it wasn’t really  _ one  _ of those days, it was a big ratatouille of pain that Kano was just kind of. Wading in. It was The Day, capital T, capital D, because such a Day deserved uppercase. Ten years since the first Day. Since Kano’s life became an actual comedy for whoever lived up there. Sat up there, eating popcorn and laughing at this fucking tragedy.

What a joyous occasion. Ten year anniversary of the death of two people, one of them being himself. Or not himself. Not Kano, but Shuuya.

Different, they were different. Not the same.

Hunched over, hidden in the reeds, Kano dimly stared at his shimmering tail. Everything was silent and empty around him. As if the animals knew this was no day for any kind of joy.

Still, the sun above kept burning, the earth below his feet kept turning. World kept going on, time stayed strange in the sense that it kept going on, even if for  Shuuya Kano it had stopped long ago.

“Hey.” The voice was careful, as if he’d sensed the aura around Kano. Really, he wasn’t even trying to pretend today. Not even going to try on The Day.

Kano managed a vague half nod, half head incline in Shintaro’s direction, eyes still on his golden scales. Mind everywhere, scattered.

A warm hand hesitantly held his, grip loose and noninvasive. Letting him get out if he needed to.

But Kano squeezed Shintaro’s hand, unconsciously interlocking their fingers. It was strange, really, how it had become a force of habit although this was only the second time they were. Using hand holding as a way of emotional support? 

“Is it today?” asked Shintaro, voice carefully blank. Still, his face seemed scared when Kano turned to look at him. He had no idea what his face was showing, hadn't bothered to force the glamour back on.

Letting go of Shintaro’s hand seemed strangely final, seemed like some kind of silent message, some quiet way of hurting the human. 

Kano’s hand felt cold even as he tightened it in a fist.

(Dimly, in the back of his mind, Shuuya was telling him that Shintaro just wanted to help. That he shouldn’t be getting defensive. Kano pushed him aside and turned his back on him, like he always did.)

“And what would today be?” His voice was silent, cold. Hiemal. Freeze his insides, smother the Shuuya who still burned inside. Who kept screaming at him to stop, to stop pushing people away. Stop hurting him. Stop hurting his friend.

_ Not my friend.  _ The lie tasted stale even to Kano. Shuuya sneered at him and he almost wanted to stop.

But Kano was never someone to destroy things halfway.

“ _ And what would today be? _ ” This time, his voice wasn’t silent any more. He felt it crack — felt it hurt even as it escaped his mouth. Made him even angrier.

Shuuya was asking him for a reason, for him to stop. Kano kind of felt like crying. Could distantly notice that, at some point, tears had started streaking down his cheeks — it felt cold and damp and Kano really really wanted to stop talking now and just go to sleep.

“What do you even know?” He was screaming now, probably crying at the same time too.

Both Kano and Shuuya were crying, crying, crying out. For him to stop.

(Maybe he was neither Shuuya nor Kano. Maybe he was just a monster.)

“What do you even know…!” Shintaro was just standing there, staring at him. There was pain on his face and Kano knew that he was the reason it was there.

There you go. He’d hurt him. Like he’d wanted to. Mission accomplished.

“I don’t know anything,” quietly responded Shintaro and it startled Kano. He hadn’t expected him to reply. Hadn’t expected to actually remain here long enough for him to reply. 

Why were either of them still here? It would’ve been easier for both to leave. To leave the other behind and just go on with whatever their lives involved that wasn’t each other.

“I don’t know anything,” he repeated, and he was staring in Kano’s eyes as if he wasn’t awkward or anxious and he had no panic attacks to deal with himself. As if he wasn’t just as broken. “Which is why I need you to tell me how I can help you.”

Kano was openly crying now and Shintaro just kept. Standing there. Next to him. Not leaving.

“I can’t be fixed,” he half-whimpered, half-snapped. How disgusting, how shameful. Just go — 

“You’re not broken. You don’t need to be fixed.”

What the fuck what the fuck what the fuck.

Really, Kano knew exactly where to hit. He knew where he could hit and Shintaro would just collapse, tumble in front of him like a house of cards. Like a sandcastle. 

Kano knew it, Shuuya knew it. Neither of them really wanted to do it. But they weren’t in control, the monster was, and he had fangs and claws and a thirst for blood and pain. Pain of the other, pain of Kano. Pain of Shuuya.

Kill them, kill them all. Watch the light go out of their eyes, know you’re to blame.

Like ten years ago, you’re the only one to blame.

The words that the monster had wanted to spit died in his mouth, curled up and went stale. A sob escaped him and Kano curled up on the ground, both disgusted for revealing himself like this and too tired to care.

Shintaro’s hand was once more holding his and the mermaid was crying, the siren was crying, both of them the same and each other.

The glamour fell and there were only a human and a crying siren left behind.

Before he could stop himself, Kano was standing up, turning, ready to leave. Ready to run. But Shintaro was still holding his hand, not letting go.

Eyes wild, Kano turned to look at him.

“Kano?” No hesitation. Surprise, for sure. But he was still the same to him.

What a weird human.

“I’m not leaving,” said Shintaro, as if he could read minds and could see straight through the monster, straight through Kano, straight through Shuuya.

Still crying, Kano managed a small, painful smile. “Ok.”

  
  
  


“Kano, please don’t.  _ Please. _ ” Shintaro’s eyes were wide and tired, so tired.

Impishly smiling, Kano paid him no mind.

“I’m begging you, don’t.”

Maybe he was having a bit too much fun with this, but no, he definitely was not having too much fun with this. It was worth it, so worth it.

Sparkly shoe laces tied on the left shoe, Kano moved on to his right one. Shintaro seemed close to crying when he saw it. The butterfly boots were really, really uncomfortable but they were way too flashy for him to let this opportunity pass.

Shintaro was one half affronted, staring at the cursed item as if it had just grown a mouth and started loudly and graphically cussing him out, the other half close to crying. Either of them could be the main reason why Kano was having  _ this _ much fun.

Or maybe it was the fact that they were so flashy and sparkly that Kano, slightly scared, was starting to wonder if he was still wearing them ironically or had at some point started to genuinely like them.

These boots really were true objects of terror.

Momo, who had helped him pick them out, was staring at them appraisingly and Kano could feel a bond forming between them. Yesterday Momo had accidentally called him “dude” and. Yeah. They would become bros in no time. Set stuff on fire while Shintaro and Kido watched terrified.

With a shout, Momo bounded out of the apartment, leaving them behind to search for Kido, who had refused to leave the lake when seeing Kano’s new boots, swearing that she would never hang out with him if he was wearing them.

Which Kano thought was kind of funny, since Momo had bought matching boots and she’d probably be wearing them next time. 

Still eyeing his shoes with great suspicion, Shintaro kept carefully silent as he locked the door, the two of them awkwardly idling out in the hallway. Well, Shintaro was awkwardly idling — Kano never did anything awkwardly.

Shintaro decided that exact moment to throw him a glance that could either be interpreted as him reading Kano’s mind and calling him out on his bullshit or just him still being mad about the butterfly boots. 

Deciding that Shintaro was being well. He wasn’t being anything, Kano just wanted to make fun of him. Sweep the rug under him and watch him flounder.

“You know,” he started, grinning. Shintaro shut his eyes for one moment, as if getting ready for it. “This is a date.” The laughter was threatening to bubble out but Kano kept carefully watching Shintaro’s features.

Maintaining a stoic expression — which was kind of ruined by the fact that his face was tomato-red — Shintaro shook his head.

“Actually, this is our second.” He tried for a self-assured grin but failed miserably. “Golf cart was our first.”

Kano may have been fiercely blushing but. So was Shintaro so what did it matter.

“True,” he said, giving Shintaro his weird genuine smile that was still sloppy and tilted a bit sideways. That he hadn’t yet gotten used to.

Taking his hand and still fiercely blushing, Shintaro returned the smile with a sloppy and sideways tilted one of his own.

**Author's Note:**

> kudos and comments are much appreciated! they truly fuel the garbage fire that my brain has become.
> 
> not beta'd because. well. i just wanted to post it as soon as it was finished. constructive criticism much appreciated!!


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